Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Insomniac files

In last night's edition of Adam couldn't sleep so he watched the last hour or so of a movie he's never seen before: The English Patient.

Our movie begins with what looks to be a young Colin Firth behind a pair of old timey flight goggles piloting a biplane with Kristin Scott Thomas aboard. He appears to intentionally crash the plane in the direction of Ralph Fiennes who is standing in the middle of a vast desert (with a suitcase perhaps?) for no apparent reason.

Colin Firth or whoever is behind the goggles dies and Kristin Scott Thomas is injured but not mortally so. Ralph Fiennes leaves her in a cave with a fire and flashlight and wanders through the desert for three days before some British soldiers arrest him because he rants at them and has a funny name. He jumps off a train, finds some Germans who he gives maps to in exchange for a plane that he uses to retrieve the now dead body of Kristin Scott Thomas who "always loved" him. I think she was married to Colin Firth and there was a love triangle of sorts, hence the "I'll kill you with my biplane kamikaze skills."

Meanwhile, in the present, Willem Dafoe looks sullen while staring out of a window and Ralph Fiennes wears some heavy-handed 1990's style movie makeup indicating some sort of disaster that burned him badly. Juliette Binoche longs after a (Sikh?) man on a motorcycle but he has to leave. Then she cries a lot as Ralph Fiennes indicates to her that he'd like to die of a morphine overdose while she reads him the last letter Kristin Scott Thomas wrote to him before she died in a cave in the desert somewhere.


Then I watched Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's (Philosopher's for you Brits) Stone.

The end.

1 comment:

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